I guess I should start this blog by introducing myself. Je m'appelle Kayla Wolfe. I'm an (almost) 28 year old woman living in Winnipeg, Manitoba (look it up). I've always been obsessed with all things spiritual, esoteric, and other-wordly... basically- the weirder, the better! I'm French. I'm married to an awesome conscious man. I'm a teacher, in the classical sense of the word, as I teach Grade 5, and I'm going to boldly state (FOR THE FIRST TIME) that I'm also a spiritual teacher through the work that I strive to do. The cool thing is that you don't have to have it all figured out to be a spiritual teacher because the learning never ends. AND, what I teach and extend to others, I also extend and heal in myself. I used to think that if I hadn't reached "enlightenment", what right did I have to teach others? But I had it all backwards. My flaws and my struggles make me the perfect teacher to whoever needs to hear my message. It demonstrates to others who also struggle with anxiety, fear, and/or depression that IT'S POSSIBLE TO HEAL.
I’ve chosen to write a blog in the hopes of documenting my healing and recovery from the experience of anxiety. I feel that in writing this blog it will keep me accountable to my healing, as well as perhaps help others that may somehow stumble upon this blog to know that others have shared experiences and that you are not alone.
I’m sure my story and struggle with anxiety will be more in-depth as I write more blog posts. For now, I will just briefly state a little bit of my history of anxiety. I was always a creative, happy and outgoing child but I always worried. I can recall being very young and having worries about various things. For example, if I had a babysitter and my parents weren’t home at exactly the time they said they would be, I would assume they had gotten in a car accident. Or, I would fixate on one thing said by a friend and analyze it to death. I remember being around twelve when I noticed a mole I had had since I was young looked a little different and telling my mom about it terrified and assuming it was cancer. This began my struggle with health anxiety, though the health worries layed relatively dormant for most of my teenage life and early adulthood. It came back roaring about four or five years ago at the age of 23 or 24. I purposely use the term “experience of anxiety” instead of “I have anxiety” as I know anxiety is not truth, it is the Ego-mind wrecking havoc. I have been using spiritual healing, I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy, acupuncture, and everything in between to distance the experience of anxiety from my life.
I’ve found that in reading blogs and the exerperiences of others that are similar to mine, it has helped tremendously. Shoutout to a blog that has been helping me tremendously: fromanxietytolove. My blog will center around mainly spiritual and some cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques that I’ve learned from a variety of sources, as well as document my day-to-day experiences with choosing Love over anxiety. I will also highlight the teachings of A Course in Miracles as this has been the most life-changing spiritual practice that I've ever engaged in. I, of course, still have my moments where I choose fear and Ego over Love, but the amazing truth is that in the last year, I have begun to experience Love more than fear for the very first time in my life.
Every blog and every teaching that has resonated with me thus far has included the practice of “letting go” in some shape or form. There are many ways these teachers describe this process- each one unique with its own language and procedure. However, it still shares that commonality of diffusion from Ego’s thought system and distancing oneself from the thoughts of the Ego-mind. A Course in Miracles also does just that. It is a self-study spiritual system that gentry and gradually removes the blocks in our thought system from Fear to Love through letting go of Ego thoughts and beliefs so that we become aware of Love's presence within. I truly believe it is possible to recover from anxiety and to live a full and peaceful life in the presence of my True Self. I hope to document those experiences and to be fully honest in my moments of peace but to also share the moments where Ego seems to be talking loudly.
Next post I will share some of the techniques I’ve been using in the hopes that others can try them, too!
Peace to you.